Tita Aya + Red Wine Random Thoughts: Why do some people carry a rivalry for decades?
Random thought while having my usual Tita Aya + red wine moment: why do some people carry a rivalry for decades? Like, literally decades.
Something that started when you were kids, some comparison, some competition, sometimes even created by the way adults favored one child over another, some feeling that one person was prettier or smarter or got more attention or was somehow more special.
And then you grow up. You’re already in your 40s. You have your own family, your own career, your own life. You should be way past that already. But somehow, it’s still there.
And sometimes I find that really strange because the person can actually be happy with their own life. It’s not like they’re miserable or have nothing going for them. They have a family they love, they’re successful in their own way, they have their own things. So why does someone else’s success still bother them? Why does another person’s recognition still trigger something?
And I don’t mean normal jealousy. I think that’s different. I mean that deeper kind of resentment where you almost feel like the person is still keeping score. Like something that happened 20 or 30 years ago is somehow still being measured today.
Why Are We Still Keeping Score?
And sometimes I’m thinking, what are you even competing for?
Because you’re not competing for the same job. You’re not after the same money. You’re not fighting over the same opportunity. Sometimes you’re not even playing the same game. So why compete? And especially, why compete on someone else’s turf?
If someone is really good at something, why does that automatically have to mean something about you? If she’s successful in her thing, okay. That’s her thing. You have your own thing. Why can’t both things just exist?
Maybe It’s Really About Being Seen
Resources can expand. There can be more money, more opportunities, more customers, more success. Someone else’s success doesn’t actually take anything away from you. But recognition feels finite in people’s minds. If someone else is getting more attention, more admiration, more praise, maybe somehow it feels like there is less left for you.
And then I started thinking about significance. Maybe people compete less for resources than they do for significance. Because what they’re really reacting to isn’t always what the other person has. It’s what the other person’s success seems to say about them.
If she’s the one everyone admires, what does that make me? If he’s more successful, where does that leave me? If people are proud of her, does that somehow make my own achievements smaller?
The Weird Part Is, Sometimes There Isn’t Even a Rivalry
It’s just in someone’s head.
The other person isn’t competing. They’re not trying to win. They’re not even thinking about the scoreboard. They may have completely moved on with their life and have no idea that somebody is still measuring themselves against them.
And yet the comparison is real to the person carrying it.
Maybe that’s why some people can’t seem to get over things that happened decades ago. They’re not really responding to the person as they are today. They’re responding to an old version of themselves. Maybe they’re still trying to win something that they don’t even consciously remember they’re trying to win.
Which makes me wonder how much of human conflict is actually happening between two people, and how much is happening only inside one person’s head.
Because sometimes you’re fighting a rivalry that nobody else agreed to.
And that’s kind of sad, actually. To spend all those years looking sideways at someone, measuring yourself against them, being bothered when they do well, when you could have just gone and built your own thing.
You don’t have to win someone else’s game.
You don’t even have to play it.
Anyway. That’s today’s Tita Aya + red wine thought. 😉
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